Who loves you? …. nobody. Bullied

I have thought and thought and thought about this post for about 2 1/2 years now. Perhaps even longer than that. But this feeling has been so much stronger lately that I can no longer ignore it. This is a very personal post and has very little to do with jewelry. So just be warned it is a step away for a moment.

People are so surprised when they hear my story of growing up. They stand there shocked and think that it isn’t possible and are stunned that I am the person I am today. In many ways that is the greatest compliment I can receive.

As a little girl, I was pretty darn cute. Big blue eyes, long strawberry blond hair and just enough pudge to be soft, but not too squishy. Then, in 3rd grade things started to change. I headed into that awkward stage, got glasses and somehow became REALLY uncool. So uncool that I WAS the ugly kid that NOBODY in my grade would play with or liked. I was always last to be picked for games and other group activities. I had “cooties.” I was reminded daily that nobody liked me. It was awful. I can only imagine the heartbreak that my parents must have felt watching their beautiful little girl develop a very low self esteem, constantly come home crying after school and just be crushed. They did everything they could for me to make certain I excelled where I had talents. I was in dance, I took piano lessons, I read a lot of books, I was even in counseling. They made sure I had friends outside of school, though still very few.

The comments from the kids still haunt me, even now that I am 37 years old. I still remember standing in line for lunch, already self conscious about the way I looked and always eager to gain the approval of others, one of the kids asked if I would like to know how to get rid of 10 ugly pounds. At this point, I was probably 10 years old maybe 11. I stupidly said yes. The reply? “Cut off your head.” I laughed. But inside, I was crushed. At night, I would lay in bed and build myself back up. I would imagine myself walking to class with my held held high and a smile on my face. I would imagine myself being successful in my classes and then making friends. Of course the next day would come. My held was held high, until I rounded the corner and bullies were lined up at the door waiting to go in and I would see their sneer as I joined the line. Then the comments would begin. My head would drop and I would wilt.

At church we are taught to love and support one another. We are taught that we should treat everyone as Jesus would. I didn’t have that with the kids my own age at church. One week when I was 13 or so, one of the boys prayed I wouldn’t come back. I went to girls camp and ended up staying in the tent with the leaders because the girls were so mean to me. In all cases it was the kids, and the adults did object. The adults went out of their way to make me feel loved and cared for. But honestly, the damage had been done. I felt worthless.

As a little girl my father would come in to tuck me into bed and talk with me. He would ask, “Who loves you?” Any loving parent would expect their child to reply with “you do.” But I didn’t. My response was “nobody.” I only recently learned how much that affected my dad. As a parent now, I can only imagine. My answer would remain “nobody” until he tickled me so much that I would give in and say “you do, you do, daddy loves me.” LOL. He is a good dad.

Once I was in junior high school, there were new kids from other schools. They didn’t know who I had been in the last school. Sure, I still had to deal with my elementary school and church bullies, but I had a new chance. But again, the damage is there. I don’t feel worthy of anything. I did make a few new friends. I even played flute and piccolo (a dream I had from the time I was 6.) But I still had bullies. I dealt with threats that people were going to beat me up. I dealt with awful prank calls. I constantly had a sick feeling in my stomach. I always looked for ways to keep people happy and give me their approval. I overcame those bullies with kindness and eventually was able to call some of them “friend.”

God has given me one of the greatest blessings he can give His children. A kind and forgiving heart. I am still hurt. But I have never really been angry. If at any time any of those “bullies” came to me and said they were sorry, or even if they just started to be nice to me, they were forgiven and we moved forward. People ask how I have been able to stay active and faithful in my religion after dealing with that growing up. In short, I knew it was the people, not the church or God that was doing this. My own relationship with God was strengthened as I looked to Him for support, love, peace and strength. He has given me ALL of that and more.

Now that isn’t to say that things were rosy. They weren’t. I dealt with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. I pondered the whole point of it all if nobody wanted me here. Suicide was thought about, never really attempted, but the thought was there, sometimes stronger than others.

By high school I had finally found some real friends. I developed somewhat of a “who cares” attitude about things. At least on the outside. But I still always sought approval and never really believed that people liked me. They were just being nice. You know, kind of how you might be if you don’t want to hurt someones feelings. Most of my true friends in high school were guys. I did have some “girl” friends, but they weren’t like my “guy” friends. I never really had close relationships with girls. At least not until later in life.

So why am I writing all of this? Honestly, I am not entirely sure other than the fact that I know I am supposed to. There are a lot of long term ramifications of bullying. We have seen more and more about these young kids who have taken their lives because of bullying. My heart aches for that child and their parents. I was very fortunate to have wonderful parents. They did what they could for me, but they can only do so much. Only what I would allow, if that makes any sense. The rest of it had to be done by me. Do I believe what I am told? Do I get angry? Do I get mean? Do I shrink down to nothing? It is all personal. And when you are dealing with this starting at age 8 and 9, I think it can go any way. My parents always told me how impressed they were with me. They said that if anyone ever had a reason to be angry and bitter, it was me. But I wasn’t. I remained forgiving and loving.

How does this all affect me today? I know that I am no longer the Ugly kid. In fact, there are times where I look in the mirror and actually see a beautiful woman looking back at me. That woman stands there only occasionally. The other woman that I see has a weight problem and anger issues from time to time. She still doesn’t feel worthy. She still feels that the compliments that come her way are because people are being nice. After all, every now and then there is a bad review on a video or a piece of work or whatnot (yeah, they get deleted. LOL) Because I can’t have anyone seeing the “not perfect” things that I do. I still seek approval and acceptance. But I still question the sincerity when it is given.

People ask me all the time why I don’t sell my jewelry much. The short answer to it is that I don’t really believe anyone would really like it and pay for what it is worth. It was made by me. Why would anyone ever value it. I know it is untrue. It is a battle that I fight everyday. There are two sides of me. One left over from the bullying and tearing down of a little girl nearly 30 years ago. The other that has grown and learned that it was all wrong. One side always tells me of my failures, imperfections, stupidity, etc. etc. The other side knows that she has become beautiful, talented and amazing. So why does the first one win so much? Why do the negatives affect us so much more than the positives? Why do we allow the Devil to win this war when any parent, including our Heavenly Father would only want us to know how much we truly are worth?

I don’t have an answer. I only wish that our children now were really able to see the damage that is caused by an unkind word or deed. I wish we could abolish all bullying. I wish nobody had to suffer the way I did, and still do. I also wish I were more eloquent with my words and conveying how I really feel about all of this.

Spend time with your children, your friends children, your neighborhood children. Build them up. Let them know how much they truly are loved, how much they are are valued. While it was an awful time to go through and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy, I am so much a better person for it. I am strong. I have compassion. I have a real sense of the value of life, talents, love and relationships. I also have a great respect and love and gratitude for my parents for making certain I knew I was of worth, loved, beautiful, and could do better than what the bullies were telling me.

Today, I am beautiful. I am loved. I am worthy. I am talented. I am surrounded by friends and people who love and care for me. In another hour or two, my answer might be different, but I am happy with how I feel right now.

MelissaMuir
This is what has become of the ugly little girl. She is successful and has been in nearly everything she has tried. She is beautiful. She is strong. She is loving. She is forgiving. She is vulnerable. She is compassionate. She is passionate.
She is loved.

The inner bully that remains still comes out and my poor girls sometimes have to deal with the ramifications of her thoughts and words. It is a constant battle. I am working on building myself up rather than tearing myself down in front of my girls. They are the first to tell me how beautiful I am. How talented I am. And how excited they are that I am “famous.” LOL. After all children don’t lie, right?

My heart melts when I ask my three girls “Who loves you?” And without missing a beat they all reply…. “MOMMY!”
All content and images on this blog are the property of Melissa Muir and use of them in any context is strictly prohibited unless written permission is first obtained. Please feel free to repin any of the pictures of pieces done by Melissa Muir only.

72 thoughts on “Who loves you? …. nobody. Bullied

  1. lisa

    you are beautiful. inside and out. and so incredibly talented. i am thrilled to know you. thank you for sharing your heart…. xxoo

    Reply
  2. Melissa cable

    You gave me a good morning cry lovely, dear Melissa. Thank you for sharing. I have so much more to say, but it needs to be followed with a hug so I will continue this conversation in person hopefully someday soon. Virtual hug until then!

    Reply
  3. Angie S

    Melissa, you are so courageous AND have always been one of the sweetest and most beautiful people I have met online. Your story is so similar to mine, I could copy & paste it!
    My daughter has a very strong group of friends around her and is that kid that sticks up for others when she see’s something like this going on – it makes me so proud! My son – he was(is) bullied, and I see the pain on his face and in his lack of self confidence. Kids put SO MUCH of what other people say and think of them into their self worth. It breaks my heart.
    Keep fighting that battle – you are so deserving of the happiness, successes and love that comes your way!

    Reply
  4. Lynn Carling

    This was a very powerful message and it brought me to tears knowing what you have gone through. No child should ever be made to feel as you did. Know that you are indeed beautiful, inside and out, and your three girls are so very lucky to have you as their Mom. 🙂

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  5. Torch Fairy Designs

    Kids can be very mean but it comes back to how they are raised. Parents don’t always teach love and understanding of others.Today if you walked into a group of those that bullied you who do you think would shine the brightest? YOU! Those same kids will have aged, gained weight and the ugliness they had on the inside will show on the outside. You are a beautiful person all the way, inside & out. A loving wife, mother, artist and so much more. You shine bright, you are a success, you are loved by everyone who knows you. You are so far above them they have to tilt their heads back & up to see you!

    You would not look down upon them or make fun of them. You would forgive them and baby that would shame them more than anything else.

    Stand tall, head up, smile and know you are surrounded with love.

    You are soaring they couldn’t clip your wings because you’ve held God in your heart always.

    Your followers love you, you bring knowledge and joy to all of us.
    Thank You for being you.

    Reply
  6. Annica

    Oh Melissa, your post made me cry… I have experienced bulling throughout my childhood and teens (mostly for being over weight and different in general). I have struggled for years with Self loathing and periodic depression because of it. I am still working on healing. I am grateful that you did decide to blog about this as it is empowering to others who have been victims to bullying.

    You are indeed very talented, beautiful and seem to be a lovely person

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  7. Linda

    Aw, Melissa. I know so well what you are saying. I have felt the same way most of the time. I am so glad that you have been able to put into words what I am incapable of doing. You have been one of a very few friends in my life. I will be forever grateful that you came into my life and provided me the opportunity to know you. I do love you.

    Reply
  8. Ema Kilroy

    I think you said it so very eloquently. I was bullied too. I have a hard time selling my work and never believe it worthy. I never thought about the fact that the bullying could be playing into this. You have given me a very interesting perspective. Thank you Melissa for sharing your story and being so completely open and honest. You are smart, talented, beautiful and brave!

    Reply
  9. Gayle

    Thanks for sharing your faith online. It’s good to see someone conquer our negative and fallen world and rise above our human faults by their faith in God.

    Reply
  10. Linda Greene

    Wow, thank you for sharing and voicing that! I can really relate to your childhood. My sons are grown now, but I spent many years guiding them to be kind to others and they turned out to be just that. We are born to love and taught to hate and be cruel. Let’s keep the reality of bullying out front and teach children the pain it causes. Good for you!

    Reply
  11. Pam R

    Melissa, that was beautiful just as you are inside and out. The adversity you experienced growing up has made you the compassionate, loving person you are today. I am proud to have spent time getting to know you. Risk the uncomfortable feelings of rejection and put more of your jewelry out into the world.

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  12. 55822552497

    Melissa Muir I don’t really know you from the man on the moon and it’s 1 o’clock in the afternoon and I am sitting in my workshop crying my eyes out. God, you are gorgeous! You are talented! You are a rock star in my little studio. Who Loves You? I DO!!!!! and I want a piece of your jewelry so please sell some of it. Your story is amazing to me. My daughter who is 11 years old is dangerously close to this same scenario. She is a shrinking violet, a book reader, very quiet and to herself… I worry about her in our world of loud, our world of busy, our world of cruelness and cold, unthoughtful, and rude… I can only protect her so much. I am going to have both of my children read your story. Thank you for sharing it. It matters. ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’ is the most ridiculous thing ever said. Words are so hurtful. The worst kind of hurt too… the kind that you can’t see to justify. Again, God Bless, you are amazing.

    Reply
  13. Kristi

    I went through very similar circumstances and that sickn nauseating feeling in the pit of the stomach is VERY familiar to me, I had it every day during jr high and high school and it sometimes rears it’s ugly head even now some 35+ years later. I also deal with some of the same feelings you have now, it sucks!! Thanks for sharing your story, I’m happy to know you and can’t wait to spend time “playing” again later this year.

    Reply
  14. Lynn Ballinger

    Oh Melissa, my heart aches for you. I know how you feel, I was bullied too by mean little girls. I was not athletic, not pretty, frizzy hair and too skinny. My parents divorced when I was thirteen, and when we moved from a wealthy neighborhood to a middle-class neighborhood, the few friends I had dropped me. I have never forgotten it and to this day, it still hurts and I am almost 59!
    I am so glad we had a chance to meet each other at Kevin’s, you are just as pretty, sweet and kind in person as you are on-line. God Bless you!

    xxoooooo

    Reply
  15. Adrianne

    Melissa,
    Thanks for sharing your story and your journey. I read it with tears in my eyes. I can still feel the pain of certain kids’ comments from days gone by. It really does cause us to seek out the unconditional Love of our Heavenly Creator. It seems that through the adversity you’ve found strength. You are beautiful and talented and highly valued!! and a darn good Jewelry Instructor too 😉

    Reply
  16. Treasure Collins

    Melissa…what a beautiful post. Although I never experienced the pain from bullying that you have experienced, I have seen it over and over and over as a parent and as a teacher. Thank you so much for posting…..you are truly a beautiful and wonderful person. I took a jewelry class from you a number of years ago and knew right away that you were a kind and caring and beautiful person. Thanks for posting your life experiences throughout the last few years. I always enjoy reading them….BTW…I only wish my attempts in jewelry making were as beautiful as yours….Best in all you do….you are missed here in Ohio.

    Reply
  17. marlene

    I can still hear: “What a face, what a figure, two more legs you’d look like trigger” It is still there sometimes, but I have learned throughout the last 55 years that different is OK, I am ‘ME’ and the world will never have another ‘ME’. Growing older also means a freedom of sorts. I don’t care what other people think as much. It is what it is.
    Life is all about growing, learning, and being the best that you can be.
    Head up kid, and fly.

    Reply
  18. Old Foggey

    Very nicely done honey. You are special and I am truly grateful to be your father.
    Always remember “who loves you? Daddy loves you”!!!!!

    Reply
  19. Denny Diamond

    Melissa,
    I wanted to contact you offline, but can’t find your email. Although we only know each other through the blogs and the rare phone calls, I have always felt that you are one special lady (if you remember the earliest emails and phone calls). It takes genuine courage to be able to withstand all the negativity and heartbreak you’ve gone through. I’ve been through the bullying and esteem issues. Yes, it still remains, although not as deeply, now that I’m 60, but when you look at your gorgeous family and your wonderful husband, you must know you are truly blessed. You have conquered deep sorrow, and have bested multiple moves (I don’t know how!!), and seem to have come out so much stronger. I marvel at your ability to produce your videos, studios, artwork and still have time for precious family things (the music with your daughter) etc.
    You don’t have to worry about what anyone, anywhere thinks of you. You have it all! (except the spiky hair that I have..) Be happy. You amaze me and I’m sure all others around you.
    Every time I see your published work, I smile to myself and think: “Wow, she took the time to talk to me and answer my questions. She’s amazing!”
    I truly mean that.
    Sincerely,
    Denny

    Reply
  20. Beth

    Melissa, I am so sorry for all of the pain that you have experienced. You have been blessed with great compassion, talent, a wonderful family, and beauty inside and out. It is so shocking and disgusting that children and adults as well can be so cruel. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding us that we are on this earth to Love one another and that we are all uniquely different but created in our Heavenly Fathers image. Blessings to you…..

    Reply
  21. Delia Stone

    Melissa,
    I couldn’t be more grateful for this post. My 7 year old daughter came home yesterday telling me about two girls in her class that are bullying her in the same kind of way. She asked to play with them and they said ‘No. We don’t like the way you look.’ I think I was nearly as crushed as she was when she told me. I was also tormented as a girl. My family was so poor. We were homeless for a time, then later five of us lived for a year in a cab over camper shell. Later we upgraded to living in an old bus. That was our home for years. I had two pair of jeans to my name in 9th grade. One I sewed patches on one day, then took them off the next day so that they looked like a different pair. In Junior High I was known as the ‘Kmart Queen.’ God how I wished my family could afford to shop at Kmart … My clothes were ALWAYS hand me downs. There was nothing about any of that which I was capable of changing. I didn’t tell my parents what was going on. I knew it would only make them feel bad, and they were struggling so much just to keep us together. I would just lock myself in the little bathroom and cry as quietly as I could. Many times I wanted to kill myself. I thought about how I would do it… fortunately there was never enough privacy for me to manage to do it. I can absolutely relate to your pain. My heart goes out to you. When my daughter came home and told me this, my fist thought was ‘it’s my fault. Her clothes aren’t nice enough. I need more bows for her hair.’ and many similar thoughts swam through my head. And then I realized that it isn’t my fault. We live in a good neighborhood, in a nice house and she DOES have cute clothes. There is nothing about this that I can fix so easily. What is wrong is in the hearts of those little girls. I can’t touch that. I explained to my daughter that those little girls are the kind of ugly that nice clothes, pretty bows and even make-up can’t fix. I told my daughter that she had a special kind of beauty because it started from the inside and made it’s way all the way to her outside. Her beautiful blue eyes, her long curly hair and that best of all she had the heart of a beautiful, kind and courageous person. I promised her we’d have a girls day soon and go get her ears pierced (got a smile:). Her dad took her out back, lit a fire and had a long talk with her. Like your dad, it ended with a round of tickling and reassurance of great love for her. I am secretly afraid that we can’t do enough for her. I remember those feelings of worthlessness and seeing my kind hearted girl headed for the same heart break makes me want to beat the snot out of those little brats. Of course, I won’t. My heart breaks for her so much. Thank you for sharing. You should remember also that what was wrong, was really something inside of your bullies. Not you. Your babies are right, you smart, beautiful AND famous! As an adult I’ve enjoyed running into some of my old bullies who now envy my life as an artist.

    Reply
  22. Bentiron

    As a child from the fourth grade on I was made fun of constantly for my big front teeth with the wide gap and my over sized ears. In the 1950s our typical boy’s haircut was close to the scalp. I was so unselfconscious of my ugly teeth that I seldom smiled, I was the great stone face. High school was rough, not the greatest of athletes in the traditional sense but was an expert marksman and archer, not something you letter in anyway. I not real fond of “jocks” to this day, they have an overbearing attitude in many ways sad to say. I am always amazed at the beauty of my wife and wonder why she chose me. I just never see myself as that “Mr. Wonderful” but she does and that is all that counts in the end.
    When I was a classroom parent for my two sons I always discourage bullying type of comments, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. I think that some children just born to be bullies.

    Reply
  23. Maggie Mehaffey

    Oh Melissa. So beautifully expressed. And brave. How true it is that what does not kill us makes us strong. You were shaped by that experience, but not defeated. Instead you grew into a fully realized human being. How I admire your grace and your loving spirit, and especially the way you share yourself with others.

    Reply
  24. Jackie Jensen

    You are a beautiful person Melissa. I have been impressed with you since the day I met you. Thank you for sharing your story. What a shining example you are and will continue to be for so many!

    Reply
  25. Tara Hutchinson

    Melissa,

    I know why you wrote this post: it is intricately tied to me. You already know in 2006 I sustained life changing injuries while serving in Iraq. I came back to the USA with an above-knee amputation, a skin graft on my left leg where my boot melted into my leg and a brain injury that manifested itself as Parkinson’s Disease. All of this was bad enough, but I had a terrible boy (not a man) as my husband who made me feel like I was imposing on him when I asked for help. After 2 years of this when I realized he had been cheating on me out entire marriage, I knew he needed to go, so I cleaned house. I had already started making jewelry, but like you I was terrified to sell it. So, I forced myself to. I locked myself into an event at my house by inviting everyone I knew through snail mail. As I dropped those invitations in the mailbox, I was sure I had made a horrible mistake. But in reality it turned out to be the hugest blessing I ever could know. The event was a success, and for the first time I got amazing feedback about my pieces.

    Over time, this is what I have come to realize: we ALL have self-esteem issues. Especially women. (I believe this is partially due to the non-existent father epidemic).

    In a book I am reading right now called “What You’re Really Meant to Do”, I learned that everyone has 3 stories. The facts, such as where you were born, significant dates, etc. Then there is the success story, the one you include in your bio, what you tell reporters and publishers about you, etc. Then there is the failure story. This one affects your life in a daily basis. This includes maybe times in your life where you were told something negative by someone you cared about, or fines where you failed at something important, or where you felt stupid. This story is the most important, because you are continually reminding yourself of it! (I know I am!) I was amazed when the author discusses that in the book. So everyone has self esteem issues PLUS a failure story..

    Profoundly, I came to believe I was meant to make jewelry to help women feel good about themselves.

    Why do you make jewelry?

    Hugs,

    Tara

    Reply
  26. Liz Stern

    Melissa – Thank you from the bottom of my heart for telling “my” story. I could not have said it any differently. I feel your pain and appreciate your sharing. You are a beautiful, strong and loving person and I wish you the best in everything you do!

    Reply
  27. Katie Mullins

    It’s taken me a few days to be able to comment on your post, Melissa. Not because I don’t think it’s worthy, because I do. It just hit me, and hit me hard.
    You described the feelings I’ve had pretty much my entire life. The only difference in your story and mine is that most of the belittling, mocking and hurtful comments came not so much from the kids my age (although there was that) but from my mom.
    You ARE beautiful and talented woman. You ARE an excellent communicator and teacher. Always believe in yourself first – the only person in your life who will not leave you, is you. Believe in yourself always, Melissa.

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  28. Melissa Muir

    Thank you Angie. I am so glad that your daughter has a good group of friends. I hope things work out soon with your son. It really is hard as a parent to watch, especially if you have been through it yourself.

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  29. Melissa Muir

    My dear friend, I hope you find some peace and healing soon as well. It really is difficult. Big hugs.

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  30. Melissa Muir

    I know you know this feeling Linda. Thank you so much for being my friend and accepting me as you have. I miss you.

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  31. Melissa Muir

    Oh Joy. I love you and your work too. Perhaps we should do a trade. Thank you so much. I really hope that you are able to get things worked out with your 11 year old. It truly helps to have supportive parents. I didn’t always get along with mine, but in the end, they were there.

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  32. Melissa Muir

    Kristi, it is nice to know we aren’t alone…. even 30+ years later when the feelings come, I am glad to have a friend. I look forward to playing again too.

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  33. Melissa Muir

    Thank you Adrianne. I sure do miss you. Yes, I am so grateful that I know of my God and do not have to stand alone in this.

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  34. Melissa Muir

    Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I miss Ohio too. Perhaps I will get back there before too long.

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  35. Melissa Muir

    Marlene, I have never heard that one before. And you are right, one thing about growing older is the freedom. I am to the point that I finally say Here I Am, Take it or go away. LOL. Not always, but still.

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  36. Melissa Muir

    Wow Delia, I am so sorry you had to go through that. Kids really can be heartless. I hope your daughter is doing okay. It is heartbreaking to watch our kids go through some of the same things.

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  37. Melissa Muir

    Jerry, I think you are right. Some kids are just that way. It is sad. I am glad you are your wife’s “Mr. Wonderful.” It really is all that matters in the end. <3

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  38. Melissa Muir

    Thank you Jackie. I am so glad you are my friend, and even more that our daughters are friends. <3

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  39. Melissa Muir

    Oh wow Tara, you really have been through so much. Thank you so much for being so caring and open and strong yourself. I will have to check out that book.

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  40. Melissa Muir

    Oh Katie, I am so sorry that you had to deal with that. It is so much worse when it comes from the person that is supposed to love you most and build you up. I miss you so much. You will always be one of my very best friends.

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  41. Christina

    Hi Melissa – I’ve been lurking on your blog for a long time, a fellow metalsmith inspired by your work and grateful for your teaching.

    We have much in common…including our work, age ;), and a God who heals our insecurities one by one. He is enough.

    Yep – you are beautiful, and so is your jewelry, most definitely worthy to be sold. And not just saying that to be nice! 🙂

    Thanks for sharing this post.

    Reply
  42. Baba

    I just want to say that I’m so grateful that I have gotten to know you through your blog! It brightens my day every time I see it in my inbox. Your knowledge, creativity, compassion, humor and divine person comes shining through. You rock!

    Reply
  43. Wendy Duggan

    Melissa You are one of the most beautiful people I know inside and out and I am so privileged to call you my friend. Thank you so much for sharing yourself and know that you are not alone. I dealt with bullying all through high school though mostly in k-8th grade everything. I still deal with exactly everything you wrote, from depression to not feeling adequate enough. My daughter thankfully never had to deal with it though my son has and it’s harder I think for me to deal with than it was for me. I try to build him up and hope he comes through it better than me.
    Just know that you are loved and can talk to me any and I mean any time that you need to. Love you!

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  44. Joy Raskin

    Melissa, I understanded being bullied. Being deaf, I was picked on by two vicious girls and several boys back in elementary school. I had t move to a different school district in a different city to get away from them. I’ve moved on, but still haven’t forgiven the worst bully. We used to get into fights for she would threaten me with body harm ( 6th grade, I mean, come on). Some people never grow out of it. The scars remains and you never really relax. I hope you find a way.

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  45. Melissa Muir

    Oh Joy, I am so sorry that has happened to you. It is hard to forgive and move on isn’t it? Hugs.

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  46. Ella

    First I watched a couple of your videos on YouTube. You got my attention enough for me to start digging deeper. Then I’m coming to you blog and reading this very touching confession about your childhood. You are beautiful woman, your energy is captivating, your knowledge in your field is amazing. You must absolutely forget what is left behind, lift your head high up – because of the fact who you are right now! Thanks for sharing and for being so generous and trusting – DESPITE your not so great experiences in the past. Ella

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  47. Arya Loh

    Melissa,
    I’ve been a closet admirer of yours for ages, and now have read your story. It’s my story, too, but mine also has lots of other horrors wrapped up in it. I was beaten, raped, and told how ugly I was repeatedly, and this all before age 5. I got it from my stepfather, other family members, who thought if they just “teased” me enough, somehow I’d lose weight, become pretty, and have some innate grace descend on me. Kids hated me. In high school, I had a few friends, but, like you, I thought they were just being nice, and after trying to contact them many years later, I learned that what I thought about them just being nice back then, turned out to be true.
    I have had serious bouts with mental illness off and on for many years, that came from the events of my childhood and teen years, but finally at 48 I got the help I needed and my life is better, but to this day, I’m not sure who is winning- the terrified me, or the OK me. One thing I did learn is to greet every person with love and compassion. Who knows how much they have gone through? Are they fragile like me? I don’t judge anyone anymore. So, now I know how to make friends who last, because I show them the love I want for myself. I think that’s a pretty good thing to have learned in 58 years. I know lots of those pretty girls and handsome boys that still haven’t learned the value of compassion.
    I still am afraid to sell my jewelry, even show it online. My wonderful daughter said to me not too long ago, “You need to get out there. You ARE good enough.” Maybe one day soon I will, but until then, I will keep on learning from this beautiful friend online who has taught me so many great skills. Her name is Melissa Muir, and though I haven’t met her in person, I know she is so talented, smart, a great teacher and soooooo beautiful-inside and out. Thanks for being you, Melissa, and touching so many hearts, especially mine. I am truly grateful for you and all that you are.
    Arya

    Reply

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